Richie Norton

Photo by cesarastudillo

If you’ve read The Power of Starting Something Stupid, you know that we talk a lot about how to avoid future regret. When it comes to living a life of meaning, contribution and fulfillment, I can’t image a more urgent topic. I’d like to share with you two real-life stories that have greatly influenced my thinking and I hope will influence yours. Further, I hope these examples will make you DO something–to act on that “stupid” pressing thought that just won’t go away.

THE TOP FIVE REGRETS

Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, worked in palliative care, in a place where she says “patients would go to die” and she “was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.” She asked the patients “about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently.” Through this unique experience, Bronnie discovered five common themes:

1.  “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”  (This was the most common response.)
2. “I wish I didn’t work so hard.” (Every male patient Bronnie nursed gave this response.)
3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

These five regrets have helped me change my own behavior and priorities as I strive to live a joyful and enriched life.

JEFF BEZOS’ BRAVE DECISION TO END HIS WALL STREET CAREER AND START AMAZON.COM

I feature this story in Chapter 4 of The Power of Starting Something Stupid and even created something I call “The Bezos Test,” however, I thought you’d like to hear some additional details to the story straight from Bezos’ mouth.

You can watch the video of Jeff Bezos explaining to Achievement.org how he avoided future regret by starting Amazon here: Why Jeff Bezos Started Amazon

Here’s part of the transcript (of the above video) from this interview with Achievement.org. Notice how Bezos’ uses what he calls a “regret minimalization framework” to make his decision to leave Wall Street and start Amazon.

Achievement.org: Here you were sitting in New York City in a very good job, a lucrative position with a future. You go home and you say to your wife you want to throw all that over and get in the car and go to Seattle. What possessed you to do that? What was her reaction? What is the role of risk taking?

Jeff Bezos: I went to my boss and said to him, “You know, I’m going to go do this crazy thing and I’m going to start this company selling books online.” This was something that I had already been talking to him about in a sort of more general context, but then he said, “Let’s go on a walk.” And, we went on a two hour walk in Central Park in New York City and the conclusion of that was this. He said, “You know, this actually sounds like a really good idea to me, but it sounds like it would be a better idea for somebody who didn’t already have a good job.” He convinced me to think about it for 48 hours before making a final decision.

So, I went away and was trying to find the right framework in which to make that kind of big decision. I had already talked to my wife about this, and she was very supportive and said, “Look, you know you can count me in 100 percent, whatever you want to do.” It’s true she had married this fairly stable guy in a stable career path, and now he wanted to go do this crazy thing, but she was 100 percent supportive.

So, it really was a decision that I had to make for myself, and the framework I found which made the decision incredibly easy was what I called — which only a nerd would call — a “regret minimization framework.” So, I wanted to project myself forward to age 80 and say, “Okay, now I’m looking back on my life. I want to have minimized the number of regrets I have.”

I knew that when I was 80 I was not going to regret having tried this. I was not going to regret trying to participate in this thing called the Internet that I thought was going to be a really big deal. I knew that if I failed I wouldn’t regret that, but I knew the one thing I might regret is not ever having tried. I knew that that would haunt me every day, and so, when I thought about it that way it was an incredibly easy decision. And, I think that’s very good.

If you can project yourself out to age 80 and sort of think, “What will I think at that time?” it gets you away from some of the daily pieces of confusion. You know, I left this Wall Street firm in the middle of the year. When you do that, you walk away from your annual bonus. That’s the kind of thing that in the short-term can confuse you, but if you think about the long-term then you can really make good life decisions that you won’t regret later.

WILL YOU REGRET IT WHEN YOU’RE 80?

Carefully consider these questions:

1. Is there a thought that keeps pressing on your mind?
2. If so, why haven’t you done anything with it yet? Is this something you’d regret not doing? If not, what would you regret not doing when you’re 80?
3. If everything seems to be against you and you can’t possibly see yourself starting a dream project (something you’d regret not doing) now, what is the one tiny portion of that dream that you could do? Start there.

I have been creating The 76-Day Challenge which I promise as a free gift at the end of The Power of Starting Something Stupid to help you start your dream projects, avoid regret and impact the world for good. I have a group working on this challenge right now before I release it to the public. If you’d like to sign up to receive your copy of The 76-Day Challenge when it is ready, please click here.

Above photo credit by Sean MacEntee

DEFINING THE PROBLEM

What do you do when you feel like making a personal change is necessary to your overall happiness and well-being but there is no real pressure or urgency pressing you to make said change?

This is a  a conundrum we all wrestle with. We feel the undeniable need and/or desire to be doing something different in/with our lives, but simultaneously, we can’t bring ourselves to make the change (in many cases read: “sacrifice”) necessary to do it.

We may feel the need to change employment, but we don’t.
We may feel the need to start a specific project, but we don’t.
We may feel the need to pursue higher education, but we don’t
We may feel the need to heal a broken relationship, but we don’t.
We may feel the need to work to improve our spiritual lives, but we don’t.
We may feel the need to take steps toward a healthier physical or emotional life for ourselves and/or our family, but again, we don’t.
(This list could likely go on for eternity.)

It’s important to note that I’m not talking about mere whims and lusts. I’m talking about deep, honorable desires for the betterment of ourselves and/or the overall quality and satisfaction of our lives.

THE PROBLEM: WE DON’T HAVE TO CHANGE A THING

The desire for progression is innate, but the problem we face is that the actual act of progression is also a choice.

Without embracing our inherent need for progress, for positive growth and/or change, we’ll still go on living. Yes. But at what cost?

There is a very real danger present when we suppress our feelings to act on inspiration in exchange for the “safety” of the status quo. We risk sacrificing the opportunity to live a more fulfilling and purpose driven life. We risk sacrificing the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others. We risk sacrificing the beautiful blessing of finding a greater sense of meaning in our own lives.

In short, we run the very real risk living a life of regret.

REAL LIFE INSPIRATION: MEET THE KAISERS

Photo credit: The Blog Is Found

Our dear friends, Nate and Jaclyn Kaiser, recently acted in the face of fear, uncertainty and doubt and found the courage to make a big change.

In their own words:

sometimes without even noticing it the things we build up to stand upon end up caging us inside.

we built it all up and up…a too big for us home by the beach in southern california and a big studio we didn’t really need and never really went to. the more we built, the higher it all got, the less free we felt. it all seemed to make sense when we were building until we realized the toll it was taking. for some reason we kept building up when individually, as a couple, and as a family our heart’s desire was for a life lived more simply. . . we most definitely knew we were ready for a change.

so… we’ve sold our home, closed the doors to our physical studio (not our business, the image is found is still alive and well), and moved 80 miles east and 1 mile up to [a] small mountain town. . . . [we are] loving the fresh perspective our new home and town is providing. . . . we’re not sure what or where exactly the next chapter of our family’s story will be, but we’re fully committed to enjoying, growing and thriving where we are now.

Inspiring, right?!

Nate and Jaclyn didn’t have to make this change, nor were the circumstances of their lives ideal for such a monumental leap. On paper, everything in their lives pointed to staying right where they were, everything in their lives pointed to continuing to head in the exact direction they were headed.

The Kaisers are living out their dream, because they chose to.

And you can too.

Even though they knew it would require sacrifice (as important change always does)—Nate and Jaclyn had the strength to say “no” to the status quo, the willingness to listen to the deepest desires of their hearts, and the courage to ACT on and live out their intent.

What if we all exercised this same courage in our own individual lives?

3 WAYS TO MAKE CHANGE (ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S “UNNECESSARY”)

1. Determine what will add value to your life

Photo by Paul Bica.

Think about it, what does a ship absolutely need to stay afloat? I’m not a mariner, so I can’t exactly say. . . but what I can tell you is that ships don’t absolutely need lighthouses—but they sure do help!

When it comes to acting on inspired ideas, it’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking we don’t really need to do them, but that’s like a ship ignoring the beacon of light on a rocky shore.

Just like a ship at sea, everything outside of our most basal human needs, isn’t a necessity to “keep us afloat.” Essentially, all we really need to sustain life is clean air to breathe, food to eat, water to drink and rest to sustain us. After the basics, everything else simply adds or detracts value to/from our lives.

Which begs the question: How much value do you want to get out of life?

You get out what you put in.  Approach your life with intent, courage, faith and hard work, and you’ll reap the beautiful value those sacrifices provide. That’s the way our strange world works.

C.S. Lewis explained this principle beautifully when he said,

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

2. Swing the bat

Above photo by Mike Baird

Give your idea a chance. You’ll never hit a home run (or a base hit for that matter) if you don’t swing.

Take comfort in the words of Babe Ruth,

“Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.”

The thing about change is that, regardless of what we do (or don’t do, for that matter) the world is changing all around us. The good news is that as the world changes, new opportunities arise. In an ever changing world, opportunities come at you like balls from the pitcher’s mound—it might be a curve ball: swing anyway.

3. “The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”

Confucius said that.

Smart man.

Some “unnecessary” changes can feel like a looming mountain to climb.

But remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day—and your beautiful life of intent won’t be either.

What is one small, “unnecessary,” thing can you do today?

(Hint: As Confucius advised, simply start with that small stone that is right in front of you.)